I Want to be a Daddy

A Truly Eloquent Approach for Fertiles

2011-09-13T10:29:00.000-07:00

I have, in the past, railed against the insensitivity of fertiles and poked fun at them. I've tried to teach them what to say and implored them not to say a great many other things.

I have never delved so deeply, touchingly, and eloquently into this subject as Elphaba of eggsandsperm.com did last week. I send this link to you because I could never hope to improve upon her words.

I wish you good reading!

http://eggsandsperm.com/2011/09/06/so-whats-a-fertile-to-do/

Not a Patient. Impatient To Go Home.

2011-08-31T14:12:00.000-07:00

I woke up alone in our hospital room and immediately spun into action. Quick shower, dress in whatever I pull out of the chaotic suitcase, and downstairs for a quick breakfast.

The cafeteria offered crappy egg dishes and other stuff. Hunger made it all look good though. I scarfed it down. There is an Argo Tea in the lobby as well. Pair one of the green teas with a pastry and you have the makings of a good continental breakfast.

Clean and nourished, I went first to check on Froggy Jr. He was losing weight, but at a modest rate - quite normal. JK was in a post-op recovery room by this time. Much nicer than our patient room! I was thinking that it wouldn't be so bad to remain. Last, a visit to HB Jr., helped to convince me that all was well. At least for the moment.

My mother and a friend showed up to check on JK. She was groggy but happily no longer bleeding. A pass through NICU to see and hold Froggy Jr. brightened her day. Once she was allowed upstairs, I brought HB Jr.

JK's recovery was far from immediate. She was still hooked to IVs and a catheter. She looked a mess.

I suppose I felt effects even more once she was back to bathrooms and solid food. My folks brought a wonderful gift one night - Chinese BBQ. There was roast duck, steamed chicken, Chinese broccoli, etc. I ate with relish. Even JK, her appetite still not fully returned, ate with enthusiasm.

A short while later, it all came back up. I helped to get her cleaned up of course... and we learned a valuable lesson about post-op eating.

Do so, but with caution.

I also helped her get to the bathroom, change bandages, change pads and underwear, etc. Looking back, I think it was the first step toward getting rid of my gag reflex.

Meantime, I was becoming stir crazy and dying to take my family home. Enough crappy food! Enough days of no crapping!

Yes, it is true. Days. Five days, if you wish to know. With no bowel movement.

Ah, the wonders of hospital cuisine.

Froggy Jr. remained in the NICU and JK eventually was mobile enough to see him. She was so very happy when she was able to visit finally. There was not much more time in our hospital stay.

But Froggy Jr.? He would be staying.

NICU, Post-op, Birthing Room - Bouncing Around

2011-08-22T11:22:00.000-07:00

The first day was a crazy, exhilarating, stressful whirlwind. I was still worried about JK, who was staying in Post-op on one floor. Two floors up, I would find our accommodation and our daughter. Another two floors up? The NICU and our son, who had just recently cheated death and was still in distress.

Three floors and one able-bodied family member. What do you think I did?

Bounced like a rubber ball, from floor to floor, frantically trying to gather information on each member of our family of four.

JK had lost a lot of blood - a pint before surgery, a pint during surgery, and more after surgery as they tried to staunch the flow. A balloon, implanted in her uterus, would hopefully have that effect.

Our son, aka Froggy Jr., was under the care of nephrologists from Children's Memorial Hospital and housed in the NICU. The NICU staff at Prentice is beyond good. They had a great handle on our son's needs and monitored everything closely.

To start, his biggest hurdle was an occasional drop in pulse rate. This often happens with premature boys. The brain is not yet developed to the point where our bodies auto-functions work perfectly. They would want to see three days of uninterrupted normal heart function before he could be released. At that moment, I still hoped that he would be able to come home with us.

Though we were terrified of the pulse rate issue, Wannabe Moms and Dads, it is not life threatening. The brain matures soon enough.

His sister, aka HB Jr., would be able to come home with us. She was mainly in the nurse's station on the same floor as the accommodations. Getting to see her was a relief. Not only was she beautiful, she wasn't in distress like her brother or mommy.

I was very worried about JK. The blood loss had me nervous, and she simply looked bad. Beaten up, disoriented, miserable. Her first night there was awful.

My folks showed up at some point with the suitcase. They had seen to Luke and with the help of another friend, he was on his way to a farm for a week. I can't remember when they came and left. Truth is, my memory of much of that day is terrible. It's as if my brain shut off in the afternoon, shortly after the birth, and my body kept going.

I saw JK again later in the evening and then checked on HB Jr. Then, back to the NICU at midnight with Froggy Jr. There, on the reclining chair, my body finally caved into exhaustion. I woke up at 2am and quietly left the NICU after kissing Froggy Jr. goodnight. Down to our vacant patient room, I scarcely paused to strip off some clothes before crashing down to an exhausted dreamless sleep.

Emergen-C

2011-07-19T06:40:00.000-07:00

So there we are in triage, JK soaked in birthing fluid and blood. I had phoned my mother, asking her to look in on Luke the Dog as the non-stress test dragged on. Now I call her a second time.

"It's coming down now!" I tell her in a voice that betrays my lack of calm.

In the mean time, a gurney rolls in and JK soon rolls out and toward pre-op. As she is prepped for surgery, I phone her mother and best friend. I promise I will keep both posted. But it's difficult to do so, because I'm in a daze myself.

Dr. B is there with one of her partners and they are scrubbing up for surgery. It will be an emergency c-section. A rush to get the babies out, because something is amiss.

A placental abruption occurs when the placenta shears away from the uterine wall. A partial abruption risks fetal health, and depending upon the severity of the tear, sometimes results in stillbirth. The fetus loses its oxygen source when the placenta shears completely away.

Placental abruption results in stillbirth 20-40% of the time.

Our son, closer to the cervix than our daughter, was the victim. His placenta had sheared completely away. Time was of the essence.

We've gone over it a thousand times, JK and me. What if she hadn't paid attention to the signals? What if I had not heard something in her voice that made me listen? What if the abruption had happened on the way? What if we were too late. What if luck wasn't on our side?

The answer, as you might have guessed, and confirmed by Dr. B: our son would not have survived.

I will always be grateful to JK for listening to the signs. She saved his life. I figure she has about a bazillion samolians stored away against all future parental screwups. Forever, she will be a good mommy, because she started so remarkably well.

Dr. B got the two of them out, and our daughter was fine. Our son's one minute apgar score was five. They got the blood out of his lungs, and the five minute apgar was eight.

Though we had passed the most awful obstacle, there would be others. He wasn't in the clear.

Start With the Kicking!

2011-07-11T15:47:00.000-07:00

Our story begins early on a December morning. We'd had a non-stress test only the previous day and passed, although it did take a while.

NO! START WITH THE KICKING!!!

And by the way, if any of you Wannabe Dads (or Moms!) do not know the term, non-stress test (NST), please allow me to explain. Babies in the final trimester should be moving around and experiencing changes in oxygen intake and heart rate. If they do not, the cord or placenta could be in some way compromised.

The usual action following a non-responsive result? An emergency c-section.

Early in the morning, maybe 5:30am, JK told me that she wasn't feeling any kicks. She'd been awake since 4am with the normal crap that keeps very pregnant women awake. I didn't think too much of it. The babies usually woke up slowly.

7am, she said so again. I suggested she drink some orange juice. That was likely to perk them up.

8:30am, still no kicks. JK calmly but with a note of urgency told me that she thought we should call the doctor. I don't know why I heard her and obeyed. Usually, I would say that she should not worry. Everything's fine, I would say.

But I did hear something in her voice. It did convince me. At 9:05am, I called Dr. B's office. In moments I was speaking to one of the medical assistants. Without hesitation, she recommended that we come back to Prentice (Northwestern Hospital) for - yes, you guessed it - another non-stress test.

By 9:30am we were in the car and making our way to Prentice on a snowy, ugly day. A drive that usually takes 20-30 minutes took 45. We got to triage without event however, and JK was back on the table. We waited for a response.

Nothing.

Two hours elapsed slowly, with still no response. The on-call attending ordered a closer look by way of a biophysical profile. The nurses began to prepare her. The time was 12:30pm.

Then JK felt a mule kick her in the gut and grunted in pain. She was soaked. Her water had broken with one nasty contraction. I ducked out of the door and called to the nurse's station, "Her water just broke!"

Upon closer look, there was something else soaking her. Blood.

In the nurses' flurry of action, one could be heard saying, "That's not normal."

No. This definitely was not normal.