A Frightening Pregnancy

First, I had some good news today!  My recent article on FertilityAuthority.com was picked up on Digg.com and a part of Google Alerts as a result.  This was the first time that my fertility blogging gained notice, and I hope not the last!  Thank you to any and all of you that have shared, retweeted, and commented here and on FertilityAuthority.com!

The article can be found at:
http://www.fertilityauthority.com/blogger/alec/2011/05/11/jeez-it-took-you-long-enough

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Pregnancy is romaticized.  It's beautiful.  Sublime.  A feeling that every woman needs to experience.

Did anyone remember to mention that it's limiting?  You bloat.  You burp.  You fart.  You have to pee every 15 minutes.  Everything is off kilter.  You're tired all of the time, but it's hard to sleep properly.

And I've just described a good pregnancy.

Fertile women complain about the above.

Ah, if only they knew.

For an infertile woman, pregnancy is frightening.  When you've miscarried several times before, pregnancy is nine months of waiting for the other shoe to drop and praying that it won't.

JK had a frightening pregnancy, and over the next several episodes, I am going to chronicle that pregnancy.  Though we made it to the other side, in many ways those nine months were more harrowing than the previous two years of trying to get to that point.

I will only say Wannabe Moms: please don't hate the pregnant folk out there.  Life has not suddenly become wonderful for them.  On the contrary, life is a series of obstacles and milestones.  A thousand and one things can go wrong, and often do.

PUPPS?  Yep!  Gestational diabetes?  You betcha!  Pre-eclampsia scare?  Sure, but only because you haven't had enough to deal with!

I feel like a Ronco commercial.  And that's not all you'll get!  You like breach babies?  We'll throw that in too!  Emergency c-sections?  OK!  But only if you act now!

Perhaps the worst part of a high-risk pregnancy is the shadow of knowledge that hangs over the pregnancy and you.  The further you go toward nine months, the more painful a miscarriage becomes.  They say in sports that a buzzer beater is much harder loss to bear than a blowout.  This is much the same.  The more that hope is kindled by a pregnancy, the harder the loss of that pregnancy.

Smelling the roses on Mother's Day

First item on the agenda!  I am looking for stories about male IF.  These could be of the funny or serious kind.  But, I am trying to focus my mission as The Infertility Guy on FertilityAuthority.com.  I will be grateful for any thoughts or contributions.  We will treat all submissions as completely anonymous.  The stories are the important thing!

Please refer to my recent FertilityAuthority.com blog at:
http://www.fertilityauthority.com/blogger/alec/2011/05/05/talking-about-guy-if

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Yesterday, JK asked me if Father's Day would feel special or different to me.  I thought for only a moment.

"Yes," I told her.  "It will."

"Are you going to get weepy?" she said with a smile.

"No.  But I think it will be a special day."

To my readers that have not yet reached the other side, I ask your forgiveness.  Mother's Day is a painful holiday for infertiles.  JK and I felt that pain through our journey.  But, a first Mother's Day for an infertile woman is a remarkable thing.  A chance to breathe in and sigh.  You close your eyes and then open them to see these angelic faces.

Have you ever hiked or mountain climbed?  I've hiked some challenging inclines to get to peaks a couple thousand feet up (though not rock climbed).  At the end, I just wanted to sit, breathe, and feel the stillness around me.  I wanted to enjoy the accomplishment, but also remember that it isn't just the journey, it's also the destination that is so important.

We will always remember our journey, complete will every harsh turn.  Those memories will make the present all the sweeter.  But we will remember to live in the now, with our twins, and Luke the Dog, and everyone that enters our lives.  And we will enjoy each day because we will NOT squander the opportunity that fortune has given us by allowing the twins to come along.

We owe it to every Wannabe parent to treasure each moment and be the best parents we can be.

And so Mother's Day came and went.  Breakfast (cooked by JK and me) with my folks at our house.  A stroll in the neighborhood with the twins and Luke.  A quiet night at home.  A day unremarkable and yet completely remarkable.  JK's first Mother's Day.

I hope so very much that each of you experience your first Mother's Day too.  And to those of you who have made it to the other side, happy Mother's Day.