The Second Miscarriage

Our second pregnancy looked great.  JK had a couple of ultrasounds.  All systems go.  The pregnancy moved on to the end of the 1st trimester.

Usually when over 35s get to this stage, they will choose one of two options to check for chromosomal abnormalities.  The one I'd heard of is amniocentesis.  That procedure extracts some amniotic fluid and then tests it.  It usually occurs in weeks 15-20.

We opted for the CVS, short for chorionic vilius sampling.  In this procedure, the doctor scrapes tissue from the birthing sac.  It's said that the CVS is a little safer.  Not liking any risks at all, I clung to safer.  Of course, in the end it wouldn't matter.

When we arrived at the high risk OB's office for the CVS, she started JK with an ultrasound.

All systems stop.

Our unfortunate egg would never know life - it's heart had ceased beating a week before.  The poor little guy was too polite to let JK know with a painful expulsion episode.  Instead, JK would be forced to repeat the D&C procedure.

Number of surgeries: 2.  Number of babies: 0.

Dr. B ordered a scan, hoping to understand the cause for the repeat miscarriage.  When all was said and done, the cause was Turner's syndrome.  And in case anyone believes that understanding would bring comfort...

You're dead wrong.

Wannabe Dads out there - another warning.  If your wife is over 35, there is a small chance that her pregnancy will have a chromosomal abnormality.  And yes, it is true that consecutive pregnancies are unlikely to feature such abnormalities.  But what if they do?

The plain truth is: once a Wannabe Mom learns that her plumbing is somehow busted, she will experience pain over that fear until a viable pregnancy convinces her otherwise.

JK experienced the worst of these fears and anguish, and Wannabe Dads, this is where my own stress levels began to increase.  Yours will too.  Because there are few things that hurt a woman worse than infertility.  And, because there are few things that frighten a husband worse than the powerless feelings that result when you can not console your wife.

Fortunately, as it turns out, I had friends that had been through this.  Without them, the road already rocky would have been near impassable.

Next time: Turning to Friends