Monday, May 23, 2011

The Calm Before the Storm

At roughly the six week mark, an ultrasound told us that we had twins.  Knowledge can be a burden.  It was going to be a long wait before we would see these twins.

So many milestones to pass!  Regular ultrasounds.  CVS (chorionic villus sampling).  The many different screens.

And, as any couple that has miscarried will tell you, each obstacle, each visit, evokes palpable tension in Wannable Moms and Dads.  I remember exhaling after every pass, every negative; and especially, every heartbeat that I could see on the ultrasound or hear on the doppler.

JK felt the same.

That said, the first trimester was relatively calm and without event.  JK experienced nausea, but that may have been caused by my foot odor.  She didn't puke, which means that my feet must have been bearable.

When Dr. Sipe released us back into the care of Dr. B, JK received her first take-it-easy orders.  She was to quit step aerobics and for that matter any class that had her running or dancing around.  No more hip hop?!?! (yes, it's true, JK took hip hop classes as well and has some pretty good moves!).

The CVS told us that we had two healthy viable babies growing inside her, a boy and a girl, chromosomally sound.

The level two ultrasound showed one caution flag - a little funneling in JK's cervix - common with twins.  The cervix still held, and so JK was merely cautioned to take it easy for the remainder of the pregnancy.  No more exercise of any kind unless it was in the water.  Dr. B feared the possibility of an early delivery and hoped to relieve unnecessary pressure on the cervix.

Still, with the good news and four months under our belt, we felt confident enough to visit JK's family and tell them the good news in person.  After a fun and joyous weekend, JK and I returned to Dr. B's office.  She checked the cervix first thing, paused, and looked up.

I will never forget the look on her face.

The terrible look written there told us both that something was very wrong.  It was.  In the two weeks since the level two ultrasound, JK's cervix had begun to dilate.  It was now 1 centimeter.

The storm had begun.

6 comments:

  1. Wow! I have to agree with Billy, how awful.

    Thanks for stopping my blog and a special thanks for your encouraging words.

    Happy ICLW!

    #12

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  2. Stopping by from ICLW. It's so great to get a man's perspective on infertility.

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  3. "And, as any couple that has miscarried will tell you, each obstacle, each visit, evokes palpable tension in Wannable Moms and Dads. I remember exhaling after every pass, every negative; and especially, every heartbeat that I could see on the ultrasound or hear on the doppler."

    This really hits home for me. I lost my twins at 9 weeks, this past February. I was terrified at every appointment leading up to that fateful scan. This makes trying again more terrifying than ever before. We will be trying again this summer. I am thrilled to be in the position to be able to try again. I am thrilled that my heart has been on the mend, but I can't stress enough how terrified I am as well. It's so very real. I am certain that no amount of "time off" will ever take that gut feeling away.

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  4. You are not alone Lacie. We all have experienced those feelings of terror. I will not try to calm you down.

    I will say that you have an outlet here and on blogs like this one where people empathize with your plight.

    I am so very sorry about your loss, and hope that this try gets you to the other side.

    Alec

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  5. Hi, I'm here for ICLW. Only 1 of 7 of my ultrasounds (3 pregnancies) was happy (and that was short-lived), so I know the feeling. Thanks for sharing your perspective... though I won't generalize and call it the "guy-perspective" :) -ICLW #88

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