Pee-reeclampsia

In honor of ICLW week, a second episode.  This story is a favorite of mine, for reasons that will soon become clear.

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JK was to have her week 28 ultrasound and check with Dr. O.  She is a partner in Dr. B's practice and performs many of Dr. B's procedures when a stand-in is needed.  Dr. B wanted us to be acquainted with some of the other doctors in the practice.

So in we went to see Dr. O.  JK peed in the cup as she always does when she arrives at the OBGyn.  Dr. O informed us that something was potentially amiss with the urinalysis.

Pre-eclampsia is a medical condition in which hypertension arises in pregnancy (pregnancy-induced hypertension) in association with significant amounts of protein in the urine.

The only cure for pre-eclampsia is delivery of the baby(ies).

When tests show high levels of protein in the urine, the doctor will order a closer look.  We were not on high alert, because JK did not show any of the other symptoms; like swelling of the hands, face, and eyes.  Nonetheless, we took this quite seriously.

When you learn what the test is, all attempts at solemnity will go for naught.

Dr. O gave us a plastic basin and a red three liter jug that looked a heckuva lot like the milk bottles you see at Costco.  JK's orders: use the basin to catch your pee (the basin fit around the toilet seat) and save it in the milk jug.  Save all of the pee for 24 hours.

JK drinks a fair bit of water each day, and during the pregnancy was trying to drink more.  As the day passed, we began to wonder if the jug would be enough.

It was.  But JK used every bit of those three liters.

The next morning, a Saturday, I was to pick up my father and brother for golf.  My dad's place is near Dr. B's office, so naturally I could drop off the pee jug.

My niece dubbed my brother Uncle Crusty.  I can only guess why.

So there sat Uncle Crusty in the back seat, next to the cooler wherein sat the pee.  I informed both he and my dad that there would be a slight detour.  As I neared Dr. B's office, Uncle Crusty asked what was in the cooler.

"Pee."

"What?"

"Pee."

Uncle Crusty has a nasty wit and is too clever for any of us, so I realized I'd been given a rare chance for payback.  Thank you pee jug!

"Or more to the point, 3 liters of pee that your sister-in-law collected over the course of 24 hours."

Silence for a moment, and then, "Oh Alec.  Come on."

Uncle Crusty is a good uncle, but hates - hates! - pee, poop, spit, and puke.  To this day he has never changed a diaper.  I don't suppose he ever will.

Hearing the gross-out in his voice was as satisfying as lemonade on a summer's day.

As I grabbed said pee jug to run up to Dr. B's office, he and my dad were rooting for me to trip and spill out the contents.  Fortunately haste did not, in this case, make waste.  The pee jug made it safely.

Did you wonder if I would forget the results?  I nearly did!

A day later, we learned that the pre-eclampsia scare was nothing more than that.  The elevation of protein levels was an anomaly.  JK did not have pre-eclampsia and to our relief, we would not have to risk delivering the twins so dangerously early.