Monday, March 7, 2011

March Infertility Madness: The Buzzer Beater

I now have a twitter account.  To find me on twitter, search for @infertility_guy.  If you see any wisdom there or in the blog, please retweet!  I'm going to use twitter as a means to point out infertility news of the moment, or remark upon cases / stories I hear of.  I hope you enjoy the new feature!

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In basketball as in all sports, the most painful game to lose is the game you thought you had won.  Just as snatching victory from the jaws of defeat is the sweetest win.

Just ask any Kentucky fan whether they still remember Christian Laettner's buzzer beater in the NCAA Regional Final.  Believe me, they remember.  And they still desperately want to forget.

Infertility has its share of buzzer beaters too.  Every victory seems so hard won.  Every step a struggle.

The ultimate buzzer beater in infertility is the complicated birth.  I speak from experience.  Life will be sweeter, knowing how close we came at the end to losing our son.  There was even the possibility that I might end up alone or without JK.

Each of those possibilities is a nightmare, and each day with them is all the sweeter.  We did snatch victory from the jaws of defeat.

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You know by now that miscarriages were our struggle.  Well... that and a few other things ;-)

I often ponder whether miscarriages are more painful than the inability to conceive or vice versa.  Each miscarriage is a bit like losing by buzzer beater.  But what of the ongoing, never-ending dull ache of not playing?  Honestly I do not know.  I only ask these sorts of questions because I want to better understand that side.

But there is a point to my aside.  I learned that Georgia State Representative Bobby Franklin tried to pass a law that called miscarriages felony murder, unless you could prove that absolutely no human intervention took place.  The latest news I have seen indicates that his bill has been shelved, and thank goodness for that.  But folks, have you ever heard of a less humane proposal by an elected official?

Consider this from my viewpoint and JK's.  We had three miscarriages, and all were expelled with human intervention.  Does that make JK three times a murderer?  I've read bloggers with eight miscarriages.  How many times does Bobby Franklin wish to put the same woman to death?

Insult to injury.  A woman who miscarries dies a little inside.  Is that not punishment enough for anyone?

Residents of Marietta, Georgia (a Northwest Atlanta Suburb) please consider this plea: you can punish Bobby Franklin by denying him your vote in future elections.  I do not blame you for his actions.  I come from Illinois, home of two governor felons!  If the US Constitution guarantees us all Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness, and a politician wants to deny some women all three... well, that fellow has got to go.

I'll be tweeting updates on this and any other social injustices directed toward the infertility community, until such a time as humanity and compassion replaces callousness and hate.

I will not hold my breath.


  1. I have had the same wonderings lately about miscarriages vs. the inability to conceive. While I know that a miscarriage is truly an emotionally painful experience, I've not had one. We simply can not get pregnant, and that is emotionally draining as well. At least getting pregnant and then miscarrying does mean that your body functions sort of correctly. Is it the same as "Is it better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all?" I guess one person can never fully understand both sides of this story.

  2. I miscarried 9 times and got(and stayed) pregnant with our now 2yr old son, Joshua. At my worst, I felt like my body was killing our children. I think everyone that battles with infertility - whatever the cause - has their own acute isolating grief. I have also thought about which is worse, but then I catch myself and realise that it all sucks equally - each has their own baggage, so instead of separating the grief by cause, just embrace that someone else has an inkling of what you might be going through, and love them for their willingness to share their story with you.

  3. "Insult to injury. A woman who miscarries dies a little inside. Is that not punishment enough for anyone?" - Well said.

    For myself, I felt that having a miscarriage (I had one after my first IVF attempt) was 'better' (for lack of a better word) than being completely barren. Miscarrying was the worst thing I've ever endured but at least I HAD something, if even for only a little while. I loved that baby and lost it and that was worth it. I think of what Julia Roberts says in that cheesy movie, Steel Magnolias: "I would rather have thirty minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special." Yep, that says it all for me.