Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Infertility Guy Talk

I've been fortunate to be invited to join as a blogger.  The title of my blog: The Infertility Guy.  Please visit as I try to bring the male perspective to their significantly larger audience!

I find it amazing that I've been blogging less than two months and have this invitation.  I'd like to thank each of you - my wonderful early adopters - for this chance I've been given.  I would be a shameful hypocrite if I failed to point out that there is a dearth of male bloggers in the infertility blogosphere.  We're in demand, I suppose.

Honestly, that's ok!  I knew that there were few (or zero) voices of this kind.  I felt in my heart of hearts that such a voice was needed.  I'm happy to have a chance to reach a wider audience.

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Seems like I should talk about guys in this episode.  I've talked in the past about trying to fix things.  There is most definitely the possibility that a Wannabe Dad can do too much.  We can overwhelm our wives.  Sometimes Wannabe Moms need space.

What about the other extreme?

I know of a couple where the Wannabe Dad was scarcely invested in the process.  As I understand it, he showed up to one ultrasound.  One ultrasound?  I've seen so many ultrasounds, I'm ready to take the technician's place!

I keep thinking of the ultrasound technician from the film Juno.

Sorry.  I digress.

So this fellow (not exactly a Wannabe Dad, is he) doesn't show up to doctor's appointments.  In fact, he doesn't appear very present at all.

How can this Wannabe Mom survive the pregnancy?  What kind of message does she receive about his desire to be a Dad?

It's so vitally important to be present, Wannabe Dads.  Your wives have a tremendous weight on their shoulders while the rigors of infertility weakens them.  If you are not there to provide support, infertility will eventually break her.

As for the couple in question?  A baby did eventually arrive, and the Mom feels overwhelmed.  Why wouldn't she when she is clearly going it alone?

Aristotle talked about a Golden Mean - a place in the middle of extremes where we should strive to act.  Cowardice, he said, was not acceptable, but neither was fearlessness (or foolhardiness).  Bravery makes more sense.

We Wannabe Dads have a Golden Mean to strive for as well.  Not absent.  Not trying to fix things either.  Present but not overwhelming.

Wannabe Moms and Dads - any stories about the husband doing too little or too much?  I would love to read them!


  1. I love your blog! You are very insightful!
    My husband wasn't as invested until we began fertility treatments. Even then, he didn't get very emotionally involved. I think it was his way of avoiding the disappointment every month. He has a very logical and conservative viewpoint, while I wear my heart on my sleeve and kind of dive in head first. It did break his heart when IVF #2 ended in another loss. I could definitely tell. I'm curious to read more of your viewpoint because sometimes my hubby doesn't talk about things, when I feel like there's something on his mind. So thank you for blogging!

  2. That is amazing! What an accomplishment, I know sharing your journey will help others!!!

  3. I have to add that I have been pinned to the information on the site since I click on the link... that was over 4 hours ago. It has amazingly great information on it!!